Faith & Disappointment

masia blog pic 1 There are many times that I want to post up how I feel in earnest but have to hold my tongue because it would not be proper toward the politics of music business or simply not popular. There are other times that I no longer care…this is one of those times.

Somedays I feel like my only talent is that I have faith. I see so many amazing talents around me, but so many don't take a risk and follow the money because they don't hold the faith. The vision is heaven sent - and if you have a talent or inspiration then the VISION of what it is, is right there in front of you.

Today a dancer that had been confirmed for my show for a month, cancelled. My disappointment was not the inconvenience to me, my sadness was rooted in the vision I could see so clearly for him - his style all his own, his brand all his own - but he now turned away the chance to rock a stage and express his talent due to a new job. I understand paying the rent, having been an artist for 10 years now. I've found myself in the penthouse suite at the Wyndam in Vegas and I've also eaten toothpaste sandwiches in a crackhead apartment on Lansdowne. These ups and downs are hard on the heart, I know… but I've never changed my mind about what needs to be done in life.  It's our choice if we pursue that calling.

After the dancer's cancellation, I got news that the new video pitched to Videofact for funding has been rejected. I think that's rejection number 26 in a row? This single is hand picked by an A&R president, recommended by one of the most respected artist managers in the game, has international distribution and touring to support it and features prominent Canadian talent (where the manifesto of VideoFact is to support Canadian Talent). Somedays short of sacrificing first born children to the Much Music demi Gods I wonder what they are looking for?

Studio had to cancel shortly after. Schedule conflicts.  I had to stop working with a member of my team yesterday due to poor timing and circumstances in life - It was my fault really to treat someone like my fairy God mother that would turn a pumpkin into a chariot…in this case, turn a glass ceiling into a sky. What's happening with that tour booked with my dream band 4 months ago with a promoter that has now gone MIA?

Then there are the haters - I'm not talking about the ones that tell you you're ugly, dumb and fat on youtube. I'm good with that, never wanted to be a beauty queen or I would have collected my cash advance a long time ago, rocked 6 inch heels on the hood of a car and found words that rhyme with pun nanny. I'm talking about people that I have grown up in the Toronto community with, gone to their parties and bboy events to show love and support to have them come online to publicly accuse me of being "Racist" and "Not Hiphop…if anything really bad pop music".  Dude - you have my phone number and email, if you have a problem with something I am doing friend to friend, emcee to emcee, you can pick up a phone and call, have a reasoning and grow from there. Pulling your nutsack out and throwing up Hiphop gang signs online doesn't do anything but divide a community that can only gain from understanding and unity.

It's really hard to be so passionate about something, pour your heart and soul into it, work ungodly hours for 10 years toward it and wake up to days like these where it is one disappointment after the next. It's business…you're not suppose to take it personal, but it's personal. Very personal. It's my soul and life's story. As much as the business tries to convince you of it, there are no templates to being an artist. Creative people just are.


Here's the secret to holding the faith. Your fairy god mother isn't going to appear and turn a glass ceiling into a sky. Huge opportunities that arrive suddenly go away just as suddenly. Having seen the back end of the industry - nothing you think is an overnight success is ever an overnight success. In baby steps, in small ways, someone always arrives just to offer a moment of restitution so you can build back again. When I first arrived in NYC I felt so lonely - and a friend reached out and suggested we have a craft day...we spent the afternoon painting on dollar store Tshirts and sewing buttons where they were not suppose to go.  Sometimes this is an old friend appearing out of nowhere and helping you organize what's on your plate. Or another bredren who uses his artistic talent to design a Tshirt for you. There are new people you meet along the way that you instantly connect with and you see the same amount of faith and passion in their eyes for what they are doing, and realize you're not in this alone…there are others out there that are just as serious. Finally there are strangers, given that we live in 2012, that will connect - even if just a tweet to let you know your song made their day.  Once you have your energy up to hold the faith again, remember it's all in the follow through.  Just as in Bball, you're just hitting rim unless you snap your wrists and follow through.  It ain't never good enough to hit the rim...complete the hustle.

To all those out there battling disappointment, heartache and frustration all I can say is hold the faith. When it rains, it pours and these things always happen all at the same time. Everything is time and circumstance. If you're on the right path (and you know in your heart if you are) then holding the faith allows cycles of life to come and go until all things align - hope to see you at that exact moment in time. I'll be there to give you a pound and a smile. Hold the faith. One Love.